I don't know why they call me NutScraps...

I just want to FEEL something...

2011-12-29T21:23:00.002-06:00

Its been over 8 months now, so I don't think I'm over exaggerating. I am walking around being the person everyone expects to see... but I'm absolutely a zombie inside. I feel nothing. I don't want to do anything, nothing interests me, and I have no desire for anything. I'm medicated... it doesn't seem to be working though.

And now I've made (while not so coherent) an ass out of myself... and may never get the chance to set things straight out of sheer embarrassment. And I'm pretty sure that was NOT the thing I was really seeking to feel.

I did come to a true realization though.
* I need someone confident (but not cocky... well, a little cocky at times might be OK), determined, ambitious and kind.

* While I am 100% capable of taking care of myself, I need a man that can step up to the plate and BE A MAN and be capable of taking care of me. I have not had the privilege of being with a man with this capability.

* While I tend to be a pretty strong willed gal in relationships, I need a man capable of putting me in my place while knowing when it is appropriate and HOW it is appropriate. Having the power, knowing you have the power and not using the power... well, I find it EXTREMELY attractive.

* I need a man that could defend me and mine, without-a-doubt, no hesitation. This could possibly even borderline scary. What I would give to feel safe.

And I think I met a guy like this... no, this particular guy is not *the one*, cause frankly, I don't think that exists... but because I met this guy... well, he helped me raise my bar. So BRAVO, hands-down, absolutely, positively, oh-so extremely, super sexy man... YOU are now the standard. I'll probably ALWAYS remember you for it.

And... I'll probably be alone. But that's OK. I'll take alone any day rather than settle again.

This is not me... I am not this person...

2011-05-11T21:08:00.000-05:00

I am not the person who has to visit Adult and Children Abuse offices to report threats of violence.

I am not the person who has allowed the three serious relationships in her life escalate to the point of someone telling me they want to kill me. Seriously, they want to kill me...

My people picker is broken. Hell, I don't know if it ever worked. But I'm really tired of putting myself in these situations. I mean, who else's fault could it be? That's the thing, I've done this. I've allowed this to become my life. And I'm just sick about it.

It is NOT ok to yell and scream at someone.

It is NOT ok to hit things just because you're mad.

It is NOT ok to say hurtful and scary things and expect to get away with it because we both know you'll apologize for it later.

It is also NOT ok for me to feel so unbelievably guilty about all of this. You did this. You have to be responsible for your actions. You can't do and say whatever you want and just pretend later after you feel better that it didn't happen. Someone has to finally stand up and make you accountable. I'm really pissed it has to be me.

My heart is broken. Not because of my love for you, but because of my love for me.

I am strong. Yet, I keep allowing myself to fall into this situation, only each time it gets worse. How pathetic is that.

I am determined. I'm doing all of the right things to make my life comfortable and happy, yet those I choose to share it with don't have to put in any of the effort. Why do I feel the need to carry the world? Hold myself accountable but not anyone else? That's a pretty messed up way of thinking.

This sucks. I don't want this to be my life... I don't want to be this person.

I'm Engaged!!!

2009-06-17T10:46:00.002-05:00

David and I are getting married! I couldn't be happier. :)

So here's how things went down...

Monday morning David was rained out of work and was trying to convince me to play hookie to stay home with him. I'm sure he knew I wouldn't do that and I got ready and went to work like any normal Monday.

Around Noon, I started feeling badly, and since my boss was out of the office for the day, I decided to go home, take a nap and hopefully start feeling better. I didn't call David on my way home, because I thought it would be a nice surprise that I'd come home early.

I pull into the driveway to see that David's truck isn't there and wondered where he had went (while thinking, "Yes! I'm going to take a nap!"). I walked in through the garage, thinking it was strange that David had shut the bedroom door, poor Lucy, locked out of the room! So I opened the door and saw something on the floor.

I turned on the light, there were ROSE PETALS all over the floor, leading to the bed. I had NO idea what was going on, but I thought, "oh, how sweet, David wanted to surprise me after work". I walked further into the room and saw balloons, thinking, "what the hell?"

I laid my purse and Sonic 44 Diet Coke on the desk and walked over to the bed. Turned on the light and what do you know! He had spelled out "WILL YOU MARRY ME" in rose petals on the bed!!!

GASP!!! OMG!!! I'VE RUINED THE SURPRISE!!!

Mortified, I quickly grabbed my purse (note: not the Sonic cup) and went upstairs. I'm now shaking at this point. :) Tim and Kevin are in the living room. Tim asks if I normally come home for lunch (Tim knows about the surprise, and in hind-sight is acting pretty funny). I try to be casual, and say, "no, I just came home early... I'll be back". Tim replies, "OK, we are just chillin". Everyone was acting strange... :)

So I leave quickly, hoping to make it out of the neighborhood before David returns!

I call Tim's cell, hoping to tell him that he should NOT tell David I had been home, but Tim was scared to answer, so he didn't. :(

What was I supposed to do now?!? I decided to call David and tell him I was coming home early. "Hi baby, I decided to come home early - I'm not feeling all that great, so I'm on my way home. Call me when you get this. I love you!" And I drive to Target.

So I'm shaking still, walking around Target trying to think of anything I need... knowing what is going to happen when I get home!!! Yay! I end up buying tooth paste and $20 in barrettes. So silly!

In the meantime, David returns home and sees my Sonic cup... "NO!!!" he cries. Tim comes to the top of the stairs.

David: "was she HERE?"
Tim: "No..."
David: "was she HERE???"
Tim: "Maaaaybeee"

I get out into the Target parking lot and send David a text, "where are you"? He immediately calls me.

David: "You've been home!"
Scraps: "Yes, I'm so sorry!" (in a very sorry voice)
David: "Gah!!!"
Scraps: "I love you" (still in a very sorry voice)
David: "I love you too, give me 5 more minutes, then come home"
Scraps: "OK, I love you" (yeah, super sorry voice... still)
David: "I love you too"

I head home... so excited for what happens next!

David meets me in the driveway, soaked through with sweat (it sounds a little gross, but if you know David, he can get really nervous making everything just perfect, so I think its pretty adorable in this situation), he gives me a huge hug and kiss and asks me to follow him inside.

As we walk into the basement (our bedroom) I see even more rose petals on the floor, the balloons now on the bed, two dozen long stemmed roses on each side of the bed and the rose petals that spell out "will you marry me" on the bed. :) Oh, and now there's chocolates on the bed too.

He tells me wonderful things, like "I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want to have babies with you, I want to grow old and enjoy life with you"... and gets down on one knee and says, "so will you marry me"?

"Yes! Yes! Yes!", says Scraps.

And he opened the box to the most beautiful brilliant cut solitaire diamond I've ever seen. :)

He places it on my finger and tells me that he can't wait for me to be his wife. :) :) :)

Of course, after we stopped hugging and kissing... I grabbed my phone to Tweet it (which also alerts my facebook). ;) He says, "what are you doing?" I say, "telling all my friends!!!"

So then of course, I had to leave and go get my nails done. :)

And that's how it happened...

We haven't set a date yet... but we're thinking Winter in Maui!!! :)

The big 3-0...

2008-12-10T16:01:00.005-06:00

Today is my birthday! I'm 30! I think I'm pretty OK with being 30.

To celebrate, D and my roommates are going to Dave & Buster's to eat and play. I need a little play.

This is my very first birthday without my Grandpa. We were born on the same day, today, 51 years apart. I've always celebrated my birthday as a pair... this is harder than I thought it would be.

Just got off the phone with my Dad. He is great to talk to. He told me that he knows that Grandpa remembers that today is our special day and that he's wishing me a good one. He said that people don't lose their memories when they leave, he truly believes they take their memories with them. That's pretty comforting.

Even though I'm thrilled that he no longer is ill and feels no pain, after talking with my Dad, I can't stop crying (which is bad because I'm still at work!). I know that Grandpa is in a better place now... I just miss him a bunch.

There's a pic of me and my Grandpa on this page, down on the left... I took that picture today, only last year. He thought I was crazy... taking pictures of myself... I wanted to show him just how cool they turn out. I didn't see that picture until after he passed away in March of this year. I think its one of the best pictures Grandpa and I have taken together.

So Happy Birthday, Grandpa... today is still our day.

Up on the Box today...

2008-11-17T15:50:00.002-06:00

I believe I am a nice person. I try to give people a chance before “deciding” that I don’t like them. I try not to talk about people… yes, this I’m working on at the moment.

I’ve talked about this a few different times recently because of my boyfriend. D and his friends have been friends since grade school. I look around at the girl friends I have… none of them went to my grade school, heck, practically none of them live in my same city! The girls I hang with now (actually, don’t hang out with nearly enough) are relatively new, within the last five years or so.

Girls' friendships seem to come and go… it seems with the ebb and flow of our menstrual cycles, at times. A couple of years ago I was “great” (or so I thought) friends with a gal who doesn’t even speak to me anymore… turns out I was a “project”, someone to “fix”. How disappointing; she didn’t even like me.

Working with women sucks. I’ve never had many women friends and recently in my work environment, I realize why. I’ve become someone with a target on her back. Why? Your guess is as good as mine.

Two separate instances have happened in the last 2 months… neither of which I understand… at all.

I’ve been employed in my current position for a little over a year and a half… I have NO seniority as I was the last person in my department hired prior to the restructure. The current department has 9 people… its made up of 2 departments pre-restructure that employed 16 people total. Yeah, 7 people got laid-off/fired. One of those people was my boss, the person who hired me. She was a nice enough lady – didn’t do a whole lot – but I liked her.

She is telling everyone that I got her fired. She’s even “drunk text” me, “I know what you did”… wtf? Since when did this 57 year old woman revert back to fourth grade!?! Yeah, somewhere in my year and a half, I was granted the power to fire tenured employees of 31 years. Whatever. So, those who still work with me "shouldn't hang out with me" because I'm the devil. Double whatever, grow the fuck up...

Then, just two weeks ago…

Another co-worker put in her notice for a better job at another organization. Upon her departure, when asked if I would be a good candidate for a temporary delegated task (until her replacement was hired) she decided to tell my boss’s boss that she was concerned about giving me this task because I had attendance issues, you know, because of my addiction to prescription pain killers. Double WTF??? All of a sudden, my “friend” who was texting me up until I passive-aggressively told her of this situation, is throwing me under the bus, and why? Who the fuck knows??? She doesn’t even work here anymore! Why tell my Division Director that I have substance abuse issues? Oh yeah, because I DON’T! I’m still very confused by this.

AND more recently, let’s talk about Friday night. My boyfriend is on a bowling team. His friends, all friends for life, invited their girlfriends (all like each other, but haven’t known each other for 20 years). It should have been a nice time. Instead, one of the girls was upset, so the three (not me) went out to smoke so she could vent. Once coming inside, they came and invited me to go into the bar with them. Only three of us ended up in the bar. Why? Someone was upset that she hadn’t received a personal invitation. She was part of the group; I was not. They came in to get me, not to leave her. So, being hurt, she told her boyfriend (remember, life-long friend of one of the others) that the girls were talking shit on one of the boyfriends. Then the boyfriend went to his friend and told him she was going to "take him for all he's worth"... blah, blah, blah… big fight in the bowling alley bar… yeah, fun. Really, I am a sophisticated person at times...

In the end, lonely girl was hurt that no one wanted to talk to her. I feel badly that she felt that way however, I refuse to be a part of this stupid childish behavior any longer. We all live in glass houses. Stay in your own house. Don't talk shit because you're hurt, because you're insecure. Get therapy, I have... it helps.

Needless to say, I’m feeling a little down. It seems that everywhere I turn; people are hurting other people for no apparent reason. Someone who I think is wise told me that people spread lies and rumors they know are untrue because they are insecure and feel like they don’t have control. They control what is said, therefore, they “rule” that situation. And if you "rule", then you're "cool"? Not really, but stupid people don't see it that way.

I am a nice person. I won’t talk about people any more… I hope they stop talking about me.

Get your ass out and VOTE!!!

2008-11-04T15:51:00.003-06:00

I did. Come on, the wait won't be too long. It is important. Every election year; not just this one.

Like Ben Affleck, I too (did you watch SNL last weekend?) have voted for the losing candidate each time I have voted. I will not waiver though, Ben and I (we're on first name basis) will stand, and vote again. This year it is out turn. Yeah, Ben and I, this year we will win.

GO OBAMA!

Don't Hate...

2008-10-22T15:11:00.002-05:00

So I heard a song on the radio the other day that really got me to thinking.

Now, I don't think anyone spends an amount of time thinking about Vanilla Ice, but I did the other day.

People need to stop making fun of him. Yeah, so he's not cool. Yeah, he made a stupid song... well, we think its so stupid now, but people LOVED that song when it came out. He also made a shit ton of money off of that song. So why mess with him now?

I don't get it. He was all, hot and losin' his tempter on that reality show when people started making fun of the song. He should get over it. He was cool. I'll go as far to admit that I wanted my parents to purchase the VHS of his movie, Cool As Ice, when I was 8 years old. I wanted him to be my boyfriend!

*For the record, I have since seen that movie. Don't watch it. It will hurt you. "Drop that zero and get with the hero". Damn, I can't believe I just quoted it.

All I'm saying is, leave Robert Matthew Van Winkle alone!

I almost just peed on myself...

2008-10-15T12:50:00.000-05:00

Check it out!

Go Obama!

Me and my guy... sigh

2008-10-07T10:12:00.001-05:00

Isn't he dreamy? *sigh* :)

Does it mean I'm famous...

2008-10-03T15:37:00.005-05:00

If I've had my picture taken with two very famous people?

This is us with Sally Field. She was wonderfully polite. I even held her purse... but just for a second. I guess I can look a little shifty at times. ;)

And this is Patty Duke (or Anna as I like to call her... ok, not really, but that's her name!). She was absolutely delightful! Before our pic she even re-tied the bow on my blouse!

yeah

2008-09-25T15:53:00.000-05:00

Inspiration...

2008-09-08T14:40:00.003-05:00

So I'm not going to get as hot as Pink from eating this...

On a serious note though... a lady who worked at the Academy passed away from brain cancer last weekend. A co-worker is selling cakes (deliciously yummy cakes) to raise money for their cause. By me eating this yummy nummy piece of cake... I'm helping support cancer research.

I'll start watching what I eat again tomorrow.

Shout out...

2008-09-05T14:39:00.002-05:00

So I received a couple of emails saying I got a "Shout Out" from another KC Blogger.

Thanks Tony's KC!

I've never considered myself an especially good blogger... actually, I've convinced myself that no one reads it besides myself. Seriously. Through all my trials and tribulations with meeting/discarding different boys, stupid work drama and back troubles, I thought I was pretty boring. OK, well some of the boy stories are good. *wink, wink*

Thank goodness he didn't see the old blog... he and a few friends I have now... remember "Mr. Big Spender" post. OMG was I an angry girl that day! Whew! So glad that I've let that anger go.

My good friend Toast asked about "D" today. "D" is my new guy. She sees my tweets, reads little bits of happiness here and there, and asked if I was keeping MuM as not to jinks it. Yes, I don't want to jinks anything. Things could not be any better with "D" right now... I can feel it (yeah, I already said that)... good things are in store for good ole' Scraps.

In other news, I'm meeting up with Venus of 'In the Kitchen' on Sunday. She's going to make me some yummy nummy food to keep me happy soon. I'll post all about its wonderfulness. I can't wait to try the "puffs of heaven" mashed potatoes. Mmmm, if I wasn't so full of Chipotle goodness right now.

Starting the second job back up tonight... so come have a drink! It may just be on the house.

Yeah, I can feel it...

2008-09-02T14:22:00.002-05:00

You know, the flutter... deep inside your stomach when you're so excited and happy and anxious for the next encounter?

Gasp! Its starting... I'm having so much fun!

I just don't want it to end. Maybe this time it doesn't have to?

Exciting times... in Casa 'Scraps

2008-08-20T16:48:00.002-05:00

So I met a man... *blush*

Actually, I've known him for years, just not in years. The guy I wanted to talk to? Yeah, its him. He's really come around since the last few times I asked around about him. And he's really, pretty great.

I asked him to meet us for a drink on the 6th... we've pretty much been inseparable since then. Is it smart? *shrug shoulders* Am I moving too fast? *shrug shoulders*

I thought about "playing it cool" about "taking it slow"... but come on! Who are we kidding. Do I "play it cool" and possibly miss out on the one purely spontaneous thing I've ever done? It was SO freaking fun going to the lake on the spur of the moment.

I decided to go for it. Be honest, open, and let him know when I need a break. It will happen and I won't be afraid to take it.

It's crazy. *Yes* But it feels great.

So...

2008-08-11T14:08:00.002-05:00

I kissed a boy this weekend... the last time I kissed him was 14 years ago.

And now I'll sit here and daydream. *smiling*

I've been a boring blogger lately...

2008-08-03T02:31:00.003-05:00

It's difficult. I truly believe, although I don't always follow through, that if you don't have anything nice to say... shut it.

I have been so preoccupied with pain these days that I haven't blogged about anything in quite some time.

I don't know this will change, but it is my goal.

That being said, I'm in a weird place myself these days. I'm finally getting the pain under control, thank you back surgery, and I'm finding myself wanting more. I'm ready for the love of my life. No shitty ex-husbands, no stupid controlling boyfriends... I want a healthy, loving relationship. I want my fucking prince charming. I deserve it, dammit.

I'm dreaming these crazy dreams... I see myself in these dreams, so unbelievably happy that I'm dancing, twirling, acting like the happiest person to walk this fine earth. I truly don't know if I've been that happy in real life. That's a shame.

I'm not feeling bad about myself, I finally, for the first time, think I have my shit all together. I have a great job, great friends and family, great house all to myself... but I feel like I'm missing something... someone. I just don't know where he is.

I'm not looking... I'm waiting... I'm patient, I know it has to happen.

Tomorrow's the day...

2008-07-17T14:45:00.003-05:00

I have been waiting for, for almost a year now.

I have been in excruciating (at times) pain for WAY to long. Tomorrow... it will all be done. NO... I'm not dying!

I'm going under the knife... well, arthroscopic knife, for arthroscopic microdiscectomy. And they'd better give me some drugs, dammit.

I'm done being the way I am today... D-O-N-E... done.

So, I'll write later, so you know I'm still alive.

When things start to go your way...

2008-07-10T16:28:00.003-05:00

You wish you had someone to share it with.

I'll admit I've been feeling a little lonely - of the heart.

I want a Jerry... all of my own. Or a Jesse, just someone that makes my heart beat a little faster, my stomach turn, someone that awakens all those butterflies that live in our tummies.

I've been single almost a year now (excluding one non-relationship that almost was, really). And I've been fine.

Now I own a home... with Lucy. And it seems a little sad.

I'm Having a Party!

2008-06-18T10:09:00.001-05:00

This Saturday, June 21st... 3pm until whenever.

My very first house, my very first housewarming party.

Email me for directions... or comment, whatever.

You Know Who You Are...

2008-06-17T14:50:00.003-05:00

And SHAME ON YOU!

I was just fine, having lots (lots) of great, great of sex with you. And then you went and fucked it all up.

D-day my ass. You're a liar.

I do miss the sex though. That was fun.

Fucker.

Settling in...

2008-06-09T00:10:00.001-05:00

So I'm working in Las Vegas for the next week. We're doing a skin course and might be a volunteer for a few skin procedures. Tomorrow through Thursday I might get the following:

Botox (although have fun trying to find the wrinkles)
Collagen lip injections (I think this could be extremely funny)
Laser hair removal (will one session do anything?)
Chemical Peel
Microderm abrasion
Fillers (again, I have no wrinkles)
Vein's laser treated (from all the years of working on my feet)

This could be really interesting. We shall see.

If I do have anything done... I hope to post before/after pics here.

Viva Las Vegas

2008-06-06T16:23:00.004-05:00

I leave tomorrow for Las Vegas. I'm working a medical convention on Skin Problems and Diseases.

I'm pretty sure I'll come back having had a few procedures done: Botox, fillers (for ALL of those wrinkles I have... or not), and collagen lip injections.

Apparently according to Nevada law, our teaching physicians can't do the procedures on the convention attendees (who usually volunteer), so its up to staff to volunteer.

Sure, poke me, prod me, make me look like Angelina Jolie!

Haha, we'll see.

I Have a New Boyfriend!

2008-06-03T16:44:00.002-05:00

Dexter just doesn't know it yet...

I *heart* you Dex.

Bad pic... but can't find the camera cord...

2008-05-16T09:45:00.003-05:00

Goodness! The light makes my teeth look crazy... ewww... Well, I guess technically they could have been "wine teeth". haha

Rewind 10 years...

2008-05-14T14:34:00.003-05:00

Scraps is going PLATINUM...

And no, I didn't cut and album.

I am a homeowner.

2008-05-08T14:04:00.001-05:00

I am a homeowner... can you believe it?!? I don't think I can.

Well, my sore aching muscles in my arms, legs and back believe it. :) I can't lift my hands above my head at the moment. Its really funny.

Before I met my realtor at the house to head to closing on Tuesday, I stopped at Lowe's for two things. I got 2 bungie cords, to keep the fence closed so Lucy doesn't run for freedom. And I got a fushia plant to hang on the front porch.

My Grandpa owned a plant business for 20 years. I remember being about 12 years old and falling in love with a plant my Grandpa showed me. It was a fushia plant. I wanted my Grandpa with me from the start of owning my own home. I know he'd be proud of me. I wish he could have seen the place. Now he's there.

Painting the bedrooms should be finished tonight... I'll pick up a garage door opener on the way home... Doggie door is installed as is the microwave and dishwasher... carpets get cleaned tomorrow...

Saturday is moving day. I cannot wait.

One week and counting...

2008-04-29T15:03:00.002-05:00

I close on my house in one week. One week!!! OMG! I'm seriously going to be a homeowner!!!

Planning what colors to paint things, searching for the perfect doggie door online, Ooo the fun I've been having.

I'm ready to be over the whole packing/moving/unpacking part... I'm hoping the strong young lads at the OB will help with all of that.

I'm also thinking of a house warming/bar stocking party sometime during Memorial Day weekend. I can't wait!

A couple of things...

2008-04-22T13:28:00.001-05:00

I haven't posted in a while... lots, lots going on.

Oh, and I didn't want Grandpa to be too far down on the page. I love you, Grandpa.

I just got the call that I'm finally going to close on my house!!! May 6th is the magical date. I'm really excited.

I get another epidural tomorrow, five so far (number four was last Wednesday). Hopefully doing the series closer together will work better.

That's about all going on with me.

Step One... Contract Signed

2008-03-26T13:39:00.001-05:00

I've just begun the adventure of buying my first home.

Until We Meet Again, My Birthday Buddy...

2008-03-10T13:50:00.005-05:00

I love you Grandpa.

12/10/1926 - 3/7/2008

Wintson Churchill once said...
"I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter."

Get ready... my Grandpa's on his way.

I Think Mine is Still Out There...

2008-03-04T14:30:00.002-06:00

Who can say for certain
Maybe you’re still here
I feel you all around me
Your memories so clear

Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You’re still an inspiration
Can it be
That you are mine
Forever love
And you are watching over me from up above

Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile to know you’re there
A breath away’s not far
To where you are

Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream
And isn’t faith believing
All power can’t be seen

As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me everyday
’cause you are mine
Forever love
Watching me from up above

And I believe
That angels breathe
And that love will live on and never leave

Fly me up
To where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for awhile
To know you’re there
A breath away’s not far
To where you are

I know you’re there
A breath away’s not far
To where you are

Right?

I'm Moving!!!

2008-02-19T11:44:00.001-06:00

Well, eventually. The "Man" won their court battle and they are tearing down the farm.

And I've stumbled onto an amazing opportunity. The owner of my restaurant is purchasing a home to rent out. He'd love nothing more than to rent to me!

Tomorrow I will go see the beauty... if I like it, he's buying it. Yay!

Specifics:
3 bedroom
2 full bath
Finished basement
2 car garage
Privacy fence (with option of doggy doors! YEAH!)
Pool

I'm SO SO SO SO SO stoked! Keep your fingers crossed and think happy house thoughts!

This year...

2008-01-28T16:34:00.000-06:00

I want to plan three trips:

I want to go to Red Rocks to see the Dave Mathews Band.

I want to go to Seattle to visit my BFF.

I want to go to San Diego a few days before my business trip to California, for the first time.

I'd also like to go to Galveston... but sadly, I cannot be out of the office for two consecutive weeks. Damn Las Vegas. I know, its hard.

Generalizations... Sometimes they bite you in the ass...

2008-01-24T09:31:00.000-06:00

OK, so a funny thing happenend last night while I was having some beers with my girls.

I was talking about the last two people I've dated, both of them just happen to be Sagitarius. I was laughing and joking, saying that they "appeared to be all-together and well-rounded... and in the end, they weren't AT ALL".

Then I realized... I'm a Sagitarius too.

I'm sure I appear to be all-together and well-rounded too... at least I'm not in denial, huh?

Hi Ho... Hi Ho...

2008-01-21T13:51:00.000-06:00

It's off to the pain clinic I go...

With my dandy new PPO health insurance, I'm off to Pain Care, the original place my doc referred me to. I hope dropping $400 on my deductible is worth it.

I need some relief. I'm pretty sure it would help my mental state, if I wasn't constantly in pain.

Oh... one other thing. My dog is fat. Lucy is fat because its too damn cold to go for walks and play ball outside. Winter sucks sooooo bad.

What do you say... when you have nothing to say?

2008-01-15T16:03:00.001-06:00

I am fine. Not great, just fine. Drugs not making a big difference yet, I only stayed out until 3am on Saturday and promptly went home on Sunday... I'm not drinking everyday... but mostly sleeping if I'm not working.

It was great, Sunday was my first non-hangover bar opening shift in over a month. Working is so much more tollerable without a raging headache and the urge to vomit at any moment.

I just scheduled another appointment with the pain clinic, but this time I'm going to the one I wanted to go to in the first place *fuckin insurance*, so hopefully I'll finally get some relief.

I'm hoping 2008 is better than 2007. Tomorrow I think I'll list my "things not to do in 2008 that I did in 2007". That should be fun.

Went to the doctor today...

2007-12-18T13:25:00.000-06:00

Back on the drugs...

And admitted that I might be drinking too much.

Things should get better soon.

Sorry to move you down, Chris...

2007-12-05T08:57:00.000-06:00

Its finally time that Chris move down a little. I've been super busy these days.

My horoscope is nice... so I'll share.

"Your personality is exuding a confidence that's synonymous with charm, expansion and love of life, dear Jennifer."

I like to think I have a love for life. Even if I feel like an old sweater sometimes. I think we all do occasionally.

With Age Comes...

2007-11-19T09:56:00.000-06:00

OMG... this man... is not only the hottest man alive... he's so, so, so talented...

This is a show that will not be easily topped. I can't wait to see him again.

Tonight...

2007-11-14T14:23:00.000-06:00

I get to see the new Sprint Arena.

Epidural # 2...

2007-11-07T14:48:00.000-06:00

and no... not the kind you get when you have a baby.

I have 3 buldging disks and one with a significant protrusion that's aggravating my sciatic nerve root. Yesterday I received my second epidural injection of steroids.

It hurt. Bad.

I'm eligible to get one more shot before insurance won't pay... when earlier I was told that I wasn't a candidate for surgery, the doctor is now asking me if he's referred me to a surgeon yet.

So, it appears that somebody's trying to put 'Scraps under the knife.

I've heard horror stories about surgery, I was conforted knowing that I wasn't a candidate.

I'm not even 30 for Christ's sake!

So, once the soreness from yesterday's intrusion on my spine goes away, hopefully I'll be feeling better for at least a few months.

Sigh

2007-10-31T16:46:00.001-05:00

I want him to be my new boyfriend...

It's OK John, the paparazzi wouldn't come looking for you on the farm.

How I Feel Today...

2007-10-22T14:33:00.000-05:00

Rosie says it perfectly...

She's like a sweater, old and used
Tossed & overworn too many times through
And she used to look so bright
All her seams were tightly tied
She's like a sweater that's just worn out
Fading, coffee stained, and out of style
And she's just about to run
Before her stitches come undone

She's gonna pack her bags & leave
No more loose, unraveled seams
She is young & she still has her confidence
And it's not too late to tie up those loose ends

She's like a fire in the rain
His words will damp her eyes & heat her veins
And the love she thought she found was just another hand-me-down of ? grace

She's gonna pack her bags & leave
No more loose, unraveled seams
She is young & she still has her confidence
And it's not too late to tie up those loose ends

She's found a refuge for her face
While dividing her unfortune ? ?
Now she stands too high for them to ring her dry
She's found her way

She's gonna pack her bags & leave
No more loose, unraveled seams
She is young & she still has her confidence
And it's not too late to tie up those loose ends

I'm sure tomorrow will be a better day.

Life is so much easier...

2007-10-15T11:15:00.000-05:00

...when you tell the truth.

That way, you don't have to remember what you told to who... and if you tell two people two different things, you worry about them talking to each other, and *gasp* what if they talk about YOU...

I've always made it a practice to not lie about family members and death/illness.

For example, even as a kid, I NEVER used a sick/dead grandparent as an excuse for not doing something... because, just think of it... it COULD happen and then I'd feel like shit.

Telling people lies is mean. Don't do it.

And if you do... feel bad, really, really badly about it.

Oh yeah, and I hope you get caught.

Tarot Reading Tuesday...

2007-10-09T15:19:00.001-05:00

Love: Death

Touchstone: The Judgement

Career: Strength

You’re emerging from a period of loneliness today, Jennifer, with the resolution to open yourself up towards others and to accept the gestures of love and affection they’re offering you. Judgement and Death are signaling a new departure in your romantic life. This could mean new encounters or re-bonding with old friends and acquaintances – but above all it means joy of life. Make the best of it! Opportunities arise in your professional life that might well improve your situation beyond your expectations. Judgement is the messenger of good news, and Strength gives you all the energy and the determination that you need to seize the moment. So, keep your eyes open and your ears pricked. You don’t want to miss out.

Drum Roll Please...

2007-09-28T14:36:00.001-05:00

As I put the finishing touches on my bag of goodies I shall take to Chicago... I'm thinking about all the hard work I've put into my new job. I love my new job!

I've been planning, along with 3 other gals, a very, very large conference... and after next week, it will be over and we will start working on next year's conference.

Who would've though that I'd be SO excited to work 15 hour days... I seriously can't wait to board the plane on Monday.

I cannot wait to see the accumulation of our efforts, all laid out nice and neat.

I'll take pics and share of my adventure upon my return.

Go Huskers!

2007-09-24T11:16:00.000-05:00

Headed to Lincoln, NE over the weekend to attend the Huskers vs. Ball State game.

Football isn't taken lightly in those parts... they are FANS. It was crazy. I'd never have imagined that a college football team could attract more people to a game than could fit in the Chiefs' stadium.

W and I were two of like 85,000 people there. It was insane... in the fun-est of ways!

Already... Feeling Better!

2007-09-18T11:12:00.000-05:00

So I had my appointment at the Pain Clinic yesterday.

Apparently I'm not doomed and under 30 after all! :) Yay!

I got my first epidural shot of steroids and I'm feeling so much better already. My disk is protruding centrally, so I'm not a candidate for surgery... Yay, Yay!

I'll go back in 3 weeks to get another shot, and see how I'm doing. Hopefully these shots will keep me moving and let me do the fun things I've always done before.

So, today, I'm feeling brand new... and couldn't be happier.

I'm SO too young for this shit...

2007-09-10T16:35:00.000-05:00

So I have a hurty back... so I went to the doctor when I couldn't stand it anymore...

So... two weeks later... and today I get this shitty news...

1. Moderlately large left paracentral disc protrusion with mass effect upon the left S1 nerve root.
2. Mild broad-based central disc protrusion at L4-L5.
3. Mild bulging disc at T12-L1.
4. Degenerative disc changes (arthritis) at L4-L5 and L5-S1.
5. Slight retrolisthesis of L5 on S1.

So, my next move is to leave a message to make an appointment to schedule a "consultation" at the pain clinic.

I wonder how long it will take them to call me back... and then how long it will be before they have an opening...

Won't somebody give me some drugs to make me a little happier?

I might just pull this off...

2007-09-04T09:53:00.000-05:00

Paid all my bills... with the check half the size it should be (due to time without pay from my trip to Kauai).

This makes this 'faux' Monday a little easier.

I heart DMB

2007-08-29T16:51:00.000-05:00

Thanks for visiting last night... you guys rock.

How does HE choose?

2007-08-28T12:14:00.000-05:00

Late Saturday night a friend, Coop, died.

Its been a little while, but I've lost MANY friends in my life. I just don't understand it. I mean, I get it that people are born and people die... but shouldn't good people have the right to live to a nice ripe old age?

I can be consumed by stupid and meaningless shit sometimes (see yesterday's post) yet there are things that are so much bigger going on.

Am I that self absorbed? Why does someone have to be taken to make me realize this?

Well, thanks Coop for taking the time to talk to the only gal in the room that you didn't know ... I'm blessed to have known you.

Umm... What was I doing?

2007-08-27T15:00:00.000-05:00

So I'm working 2 jobs... to pay off bills. Stupid Bills.

And I'm working too much. Actually right now, I'm working 2 full time jobs... and you could say I'm pretty tired. Silly, Stupid Bills.

I haven't seen some of my best friends in months. And this makes me very, very sad. I hate you, Stupid Bills.

I'm almost so-tired-that-I'm-sick. And it sucks. Stupid, Stupid Bills.

I'm bartending now. I like it. I like the money it makes me. I like money.

Never again will I spend money on anything/anyone other than myself. Seriously. I'm tired of being in debt. Stupid Fucking Bills!

Sorry... I'm cranky.

My Baby... When She Was A Baby...

2007-08-14T13:15:00.001-05:00

The Everlasting Souvenier...

2007-07-31T09:39:00.000-05:00

So, while on our Girls' Vacation... we all got new tattoos! Mom and Aunt J got hibiscus flowers on their shoulder, Sister got a tramp stamp of hibiscus flowers... and see below... my newest turtle addition.

It really is quite amazing in person. So, thanks to Jarod at Farsyde Tattoo in Kauai, HI.

Yeah, he was pretty hot too. ;)

I just don't understand some things...

2007-07-23T13:30:00.001-05:00

My Sister has decided that she's getting a divorce... and I'm devestated for my brother-in-law.

I always have thought that we was an angel to her... he's SUCH a good person. He's put up with a lot of crap over the 9 years of marriage (and two years of dating)... I mean, my Sister is HIGH maintenance, and at times TOO high maintenance.

And he was a trooper through it all.

She's decided that she's just not happy and can't continue to live her life that way.

I can't blame her for wanting to be happy. I WANT her to be happy. No one should live their entire live unhappy because they don't want to 'hurt someone else's feelings'.

I just don't know what a divorce is like... when there's not a 'bad guy'. My brother-in-law didn't 'do' anything wrong.

And so he's devestated... and my heart is just broken for him.

He's been my brother for almost 10 years... and now, he's supposed to be live evictecd from our family... it just doesn't seem right.

I cry each time I think about it... everytime he emails me... I'm also feeling guilty that I don't 'have time' to spend with him. Hell, he's invited me to dinner (I'm going) and we're not even going until NEXT Monday because I have to work or already have plans I can't really get out of.

I just feel horrible!

My First Kauai'ian Sunset...

2007-07-12T12:39:00.000-05:00

It may not be the best pic... I took it from my new MotoQ phone... I'll update when I get home with pics from the camera.

Aloha!

2007-07-10T09:30:00.000-05:00

And the countdown begins...

I've been a bad, bad blogger lately. With working two jobs, a sister in the crazy house and just too much to do, I've been away.

But those who work hard... get to play hard too! In less than 24 hours, I will be on a plane... traveling to Kauai... to be in tropical heaven for 9 whole days.

I might just want to stay there.

Sorry Folks...

2007-06-06T23:24:00.001-05:00

The Meebo screen is gone... I know, it's so sad...

Earlier today, I had someone IM me... that frankly freaked my shit out.

I think that anyone who was a friend would have confessed, and said, "Jen, quit freaking the fuck out!", but alas, they didn't.

So now, in the wake of poor Kelsey's body being found... I will go and purchase some pepper spray... keep it handy while I am out and about... and try to stay away from freaky mother fuckers...

Paranoid? Maybe, but at least I'm still alive.

Bye, Bye... Bob...

2007-06-06T12:34:00.000-05:00

Sniff... sniff...

Today is Bob Barker's last day hosting The Price Is Right.

Plinko will never be the same.

Just because I'm so fuckin' cool...

2007-06-05T14:21:00.000-05:00

FO - My First Baby Hat

2007-06-05T09:06:00.001-05:00

A friend of mine had a baby recently... and now I have a present to send her!

Here you go... a turtle themed (surprise, surprise) baby hat for Alex! Yay!

Not quite sure why its so darn yellow... silly, cell phone camera... hopefully I'll get better pictures with a regular camera before I ship it off. Anybody got a blow up baby that would model this for me? :)

15 days... and counting...

2007-06-04T09:42:00.000-05:00

We're going to have SUCH a good time...

I've been doing some thinking...

2007-05-31T15:02:00.001-05:00

I often talk about how unlucky I am in love... about how my "picker" is broken... etc.

This talk puts me into a category of people I can't stand... the eternal victim.

I am not a victim.

I'm the one making the poor choices, I'm the one not standing up for what is important to me, and I'm the one who sticks around... delaying the inevitable because I'm too chicken shit to talk about the issues.

The fact is, without beating myself down, I could save myself a lot of heartache, or whatever, if I would just act like a normal person and when someone says something stupid I just reply back with something like, "Hey asshole, stop being a fucker!"

Then they stop... and I don't hate them. (secretly, of course)

Also, when something's wrong... I don't bitch about it to my poor, poor girlfriends... I need to face it head-on, take the bull by its horns... and get it over with already.

I need to learn to be a little bitchy... get what I want, when I want for a damn change.

Two things...

2007-05-24T09:29:00.001-05:00

That made me smile this morning...

1. Fresh cut grass under my feet, right before it rained...

2. Fresh flowers on my kitchen counter...

Someone Give This Gal a Sandwich!!!

2007-05-23T16:29:00.000-05:00

Whoever said that bony ankles and elbows were sexy... should be shot.

It's Been a Long Time... Since I Got Poked in the Ass...

2007-05-22T08:19:00.000-05:00

Yesteday I went back to the doctor for this silly, silly poison ivy.

Apprently the first round of steroids wasn't enough to keep Lucy out of the devilish weed.

So, now my ass is a little sore... I didn't sleep a wink last night... and I'm going to pray that extra attention to my diet and a few more times at the gym this week, will keep me from gaining an another five pounds (like I did with the first steroid pack).

At this point... I'm at a "whatever it takes" attitude with making the itchy go away.

I think the last shot I got in the bum was in 6th grade... yeah, that's been a while ago now.

James Bond - Like You've Never Seen Him Before...

2007-05-17T11:12:00.000-05:00

Its almost lunchtime...

2007-05-08T12:12:00.000-05:00

With so much going on right now... both of my Grandparents being in the hospital for potentially serious things... poison ivy on my face (ugh... itch, itch, itch) and other random things to stress over... I'll try to find joy in the little things...

Like my brand new Hello Kitty lunchbox! Isn't it cute!

If only it were nice, warm and sunny outside... I'd be set. Instead, I'll eat here... at my desk.

In other news... I got another really kick ass package from Nana, my secret-no-longer buddy from the Punk Rock Gift Exchange. I am WAY beyond spoiled... and I don't care if SHD says the pattern looks like a watermelon (which it doesn't).

I can't wait to finish what's currently on my needles (at least some of them) to start on this new-super-fantastic felted purse.

Thanks again, Nana!

I can't believe I forgot!!!

2007-05-01T16:51:00.000-05:00

So, I've mentioned this Punk Rock Gift Exchange here... and I thanked and posted pics on the PRGE bloger site, but I forgot to post those same pics and thanks here!

How could I?

So, here it is...

Package numero uno... from my Secret PRGE Pal.

I don't have any pics, but I did start on a pair of socks with the great sock yarn you see in the pic... there was a note pad (because all good knitters take notes... at least I do), my WIP - work in progress - is currently residing in the great Betty Boop bag, the body butter... great smells, one at home... one in the car... and one at home, and last and certainly not least... Domiknitrix! I can't wait to start one of the many super cool projects in that book!!!

Thank you bunches, Secret Pal... I love it all!

A New Feeling for Me...

2007-04-26T16:17:00.000-05:00

I won't pretend that I'm perfect... actually, I may be as far from it as possible.

I say the wrong things, don't apologize when I should, don't call when I say I will... I could go on and on.

But one thing I promise... is that I always care. You don't forget those things in life that really matter.

I'm feeling a bit down... something very big happened to someone who has been around longer (but recently dissapeared) than any boyfriend, ex-husband... hell, the only people who've been around longer are family... and I didn't even hear about it.

Its not about me... and feelings of insecurity... at least I don't think it is.

I'm just sad that I couldn't be there for that person... you know?

Because I Love 'Em...

2007-04-24T15:41:00.001-05:00

Five... Six... Seven... Eight

2007-04-18T10:11:00.000-05:00

Lucy's Wait is Over...

2007-04-12T15:08:00.000-05:00

They finished our fence today! Hooray!!!

Take Me Out to the Ball Game...

2007-04-05T09:39:00.001-05:00

Anna & Scraps - Home Opener
Originally uploaded by NutScraps.

Take me out and get lit....

This is a pic taken at Monday's Kansas City Royal's Home Opener! We had a super fantastic-kick-ass time!

The best part? The Royal's won!!!

The Cutest Thing I've Seen Today...

2007-03-27T16:12:00.000-05:00

Otters... holding hands!!! Awww...

So, so, so busy!

2007-03-22T16:14:00.000-05:00

I moved... again.

I've lived SIX times since October 2004... I'm tired of moving!

This move is for the best though... I just know it.

So, I signed up for a Punk Rock Gift Exchange. Am I super Punk Rock? No, but I like things that are... I'm all about branching out.

I don't know what all is involved in these things though. We're supposed to keep our identities secret until the 2nd package arrives... so you know, there are 3 packages total; one to be recieved by April 1, the second by May 1 and the third by June 1. I think I already fucked it up though. I'm listed as NutScraps... so I probably should have used my Jen email address... I mean, they don't know who Jen is, right? Oh well. My PRGE Buddy seems pretty fuckin' cool. She's got a great blog... check her out!

So, I think I'm supposed to email her a few times a month and send her cool stuff. I have my first package ready... I hope she likes it. I was supposed to send it out on Saturday... but that was moving day... so I hope she's not too dissapointed that it's going out tomorrow... I know, I'm late... again. But I think she'll like everything so I'm pretty happy.

On the other hand... someone has me as their buddy. I haven't really heard from that person... I'm not too, too worried... but it would be nice to know that they have my new address, right? Oh well, we'll see how it goes.

So, note to my PRGE Buddy... If you've figured out who I am... package is on its way tomorrow and I do apologize about its tardiness. If you don't like the stuff... let me know... I want you to like your shit!

Slow and Steady Wins the Race...

2007-03-21T11:00:00.000-05:00

As of last night...

I've lost 10 pounds in 4 weeks!!! I couldn't be happier. Well, I could be a little happier... but that would be sharing TMI.

Ewww!!! Thank goodness that's gone!

You may think its easy being this cute…

2007-03-12T16:19:00.000-05:00

But its not! It’s painful.

Case in point…

I bought a super cute dress this weekend and decided to wear it to work today. Now, everyone who has ever worn them knows… panty hose suck ass. So, instead of traditional panty hose, I opted to wear a new pair of nude colored fishnets (that my friend Beck pulls of sooo well!).

Super cute? Hell yeah!

Super comfortable? Hell NO! NO! NO!

How are you supposed to wear these things? Thank God they put regular hose on the bottom of your feet, because walking around on this stuff all day would be impossible! The pain comes from the fishnets rubbing the oh-so-delicate sides of your feet against the sides your shoes.

It’s not like the crazy girls we saw in Las Vegas who were stupid and wore stilettos out dancing. I’m wearing flats! Flats are not supposed to be painful.

Damn… a girl tries and tries and tries… soon I’ll go home and soak my feet.

At Last... No Dress Code to Stop Me!!!

2007-03-06T22:15:00.000-06:00

Oh Crap! This is late!!!

2007-03-06T13:28:00.000-06:00

I joined a Punk Rock Gift Exchange and I was supposed to post this by March 4th. I swear I'm not a slacker!!! I've just got a lot going on. :(

So here it is! And, thanks in advance my secret buddy!

1. How long have you been knitting/crocheting/spinning?
I learned to crochet in 3rd grade… so I was 7 years old? I’m still a novice crocheter but love to do it! I have knit for almost two years now.

2. Do you consider yourself a beginner, novice or experienced yarn artist?
I would consider myself a novice.

3. What fibers (materials) have you knit/crochet with?
Wool, cotton, acrylic

4. What are your favorite yarns?
Soft but not fuzzy.

5. What fibers are you dying to try?
I’d love to work with t-shirt strips.

6. Do you prefer solid, self striping, or hand painted yarns?
I’ve never worked with hand painted yarns, but I love self striping!

7. What fibers do you dislike?
Fuzzy or scratchy

8. What are your favorite colors?
Pinks, reds, browns and black.

9. What are your least favorite colors?
Peachy colors…

10. How did you learn to knit/crochet/spin?
My 87 year old Grandmother taught me how to crochet and knit.

11. What projects are you currently working on?
I’m working on the “We Call Them Pirates” knit-a-long.
I’m making my first ever double knit project, a stocking cap that’s hot pink and black with a skull and cross bones pattern on it.
I’m getting ready to start a stocking hat for a friend.
I’m working on a baby blanket for friends who are expecting.
I just bought my first skein of sock yarn to make socks!

12. How old is your oldest UFO? What is it? Will it ever be finished?
The pink devil hat from Stitch n’ Bitch book, my first knitting book.

13. What is the most heartbreaking project that you ever frogged?
The pink devil hat… I started over three times.

14. Do you prefer straight or circular needles?
I don’t prefer one over the other… I like them both for different reasons… I do love my Denise interchangeables though.

15. Do you own a swift and/or a winder?
Unfortunately, I do not own either.

16. Where do you keep your needles?
Everywhere!

17. Do you enjoy helpful hints about your knitting or does it just piss you off?
I don’t ever assume that my way is the best way. I love feedback!

18. What techniques are you still a virgin in (lace, cables, ect.) and are you interested in trying them?
I’ve not tried cables yet… I’m scared. :)

19. What knitting magazines do you subscribe to?
Interweave Knits

20. Are there any books, needles, yarn, patterns that you are dying to get your hands on?
I would love to knit some Noni bags… I love felted purses!

21. Do you enjoy knitting socks? How big are your feet?
I haven’t ventured into socks (see #11) I wear a size 8 in US women’s shoes.

22. Do you have a wish list?
No, not really. Anything pink and punky is my friend.

23. What are your non-knitting, crochet, spinning hobbies?
Spending time with friends and my Golden Retriever, Lucy… and I sew.

24. How do you feel about sports?
Sports are great!

25. What is your favorite season? Least favorite season? Why?
Fall… I love sweater and jeans weather… Summer, I hate super hot Midwest summers!

26. What is your favorite holiday?
Halloween, who doesn’t like to dress up and pretend you’re someone else?

27. Do you like handmade gifts?
I love handmade gifts… they are from the heart.

28. Do you wear jewelry that isn't real?
The question for me should be… do you own jewelry that IS real? I don’t wear jewelry much, but what I have is mostly fake.

29. What are your favorite foods? Scents that you love?
I love sushi… wine… French fries.
I love the scent Honeydew.

30. What is your family situation? Do you live alone?
As of Saturday… I live alone, unless you count my dog.

31. Do you have any pets?
I have a 3 year old Golden Retriever, Lucy.

32. What kind of music do you like? Can your computer/stereo play MP3's?
I like all kinds of music… My favorite is Dave Mathews Band, but I also like: John Mayer, Rosie Thomas, The Killers, Evanescence, Patti Griffin, The All American Rejects, Audioslave, Blue October, Gwen Stephani, Joss Stone, KT Tunstall, Norah Jones, My Chemical Romance, Rufus Wainwright, Social Distortion… I could list more.

33. What are your favorite movies? TV shows? Actors?
Romantic comedies… if only real life were that way too…

34. What do you collect?
Turtles… but only really cool ones.

35. What do you do in real life -- besides knit and blog?
My fancy title is: Senior Program Coordinator

36. When is your birthday? Is it a national holiday or just another day?
December 10th, just another day…

37. Do you have any allergies, medical conditions or disorders that your pal should be aware of (ie. diabetes, food/pet allergies, ect.)?
Nope

38. Are there any scents, phobias, or sensory thing (ie, the way certain objects feel) that your pal should be aware of?
I don’t like the scent of pear… an ex boyfriend really, really, really, really liked pear… the smell is horrifying to me now.

39. What is the most difficult thing that you have ever knit/crochet?
A baby blanket, believe it or not.

40. What is your personal style? Is there a time period/fashion movement that you take your cues from?
I don’t know that I have a style yet… simple, not too jazzy.

41. Anything else that you would like to say?
They really do call me NutScraps.

I'm super sorry this is late!!! I'll stay on top of things better now... I promise!

Why...

2007-03-05T16:59:00.000-06:00

Is it that when you make decisions... that you think are the best... for everyone, not just yourself... the point is never expressed right?

It's safe to say that I'm going through a really rough time... I know I'm not the only one, either.

Speculation is the worst... I really am a good person. My intentions are never malicious.

Take it or leave it... Believe it or not... I can't control that.

So much stuff!!!

2007-02-28T15:42:00.000-06:00

I don't even know where to start!

My dear friend, JR is now in Tokyo... JAPAN! I've never had anyone call me from Japan... yeah, its probably because I'm so cool. I don't know why more people don't call me from super remote locations... I'm fun to talk to, I never run out of things to say... at least that's what my friend Slimm thinks. :)

Anyway, I'm sending out my happy thoughts to JR, hoping he is happy, hoping he is safe, and hoping these next two months pass quickly. I can't wait to see him again... it will be a week of partying like Rock Stars! As it should be.

I started a new job on Monday! I absolutely love it! I'm now co-workers with Toasty; one of my closest friends. We had sushi for lunch yesterday... very yummy sushi.

Other things are happening that are yet to be announced... good in many ways, sad in others... but as I like to think, everything happens for very important reasons. Even if they suck at the time, they make us better people in the end. Well, at least they make me a better person!

I posted my Mardi Gras pics on my myspace page... you should check them out! www.myspace.com/nutscraps. I sure hope that url works!

Little Men Wearing White Lab Coats in My Brain

2007-02-22T16:28:00.000-06:00

I totally find it interesting the way our brain does things to “protect” us.

So I’m upset about something that’s going on right now in my life. At the same time I’m getting ready to start a new job that I’m super stoked about and contemplating a super exciting (but super scary) prospect at the same time.

The 'real' exciting part is my excitement about the new job… I start on Monday and I’ve wanted this for quite some time.

The 'fake' or 'protective' exciting part (that makes me think my brain has gone into protection mode) is this second thing I might do. It’s a BIG step. I’m wondering if I’m only making this bold move so that at a time when I’m devastated about one thing, I’m so excited about the 'fake' exciting thing that the hurt doesn’t happen?

Confused? Yeah… me too.

I don’t normally speak in code… but I just don’t know that I’m ready to talk about it.

So much is going on right now… so many confusing feelings… all big things… I’d just like to sleep... for a long time... and wake up happy and different, all this crap resolved.

Oh, and I’d like to finish my super cool hot pink on black skull and crossbones stocking cap.

I’ll be fine… I always am.

And tonight… We dance!

2007-02-20T10:23:00.000-06:00

Last night Toast, St. and G finished up our crawfish costumes for tonight’s Mardi Gras parade in the Crossroads District. We shall be at 18th & Wyandotte promptly (or a little late as usual) at 7:15ish.

I’m SO excited! My costume kicks ass! Have you ever seen a crawfish with feathers?

Well, if you are at the parade tonight… you just might!

Come one, come all. Tonight is going to be a blast! Remember… BYOB!

Good people… Even better times...

2007-02-19T12:27:00.000-06:00

Saturday night I went to a going away party for a friend who’s moving to Japan for a year to work. I had the B-E-S-T time ever! I was able to catch up with tons of people I haven’t seen in years… it really is such a shame that I lost contact with them in the first place and I'm super bummed that it took a going away party for me to reconnect.

Good people… that’s what they are. I'm lucky that way. I have the best friends ever. New... Old... they are all the best!

How exciting would it be to work in another country! I’m so excited for JR… I just know he’s going to have a great time. Imagine the stories he’ll come back with. I can’t wait to hear them.

Tonight I’m finishing my costume for Fat Tuesday’s Mardi Gras parade in the good ole’ Crossroads District in Downtown KC. A few of us girls will be all dolled up… as crawfish! I can’t wait. The weather should be just wonderful.

I hear the block party starts at 7:30-8ish and we start the parade about 9. The festivities should commence about 11… with plenty of time for me to get home and hit the hay. With this being my last week at the hospital… I need to be clear when here. I was really hoping to slack off this week (you know, like I usually do everyday) but the projects are truly coming out of the woodwork. If I’d only been this busy for the past two years!

Tomorrow night – plenty of canned beer drinking… lots of crawfish dancing… and hopefully a bacon flinging float! Be there or be square!!!

Happy Valentine's Day!!!

2007-02-14T13:31:00.000-06:00

Today is turning out to be a KICKASS day!

2007-02-12T10:41:00.000-06:00

I got the job!!! I got the job!!! I got the job!!! I got the job!!!

I couldn't be happier.

Now, the hard part. Putting in my notice.

Any advice in how to tell a boss you love, you're leaving?

Please, share the weatlth... of knowledge and experience, that is.

Today... we celebrate!

Hmmm...

2007-02-09T15:50:00.000-06:00

HowManyOfMe.com

There are:
0
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

2007-02-01T10:17:00.001-06:00

Today... I am sad.

Home Sweet Home...

2007-01-29T16:38:00.000-06:00

Well, we're back from vacation...

Las Vegas has to be one of the best places on earth.

SHD and I LOVE Vegas. We have such a great time there.

I think because of SHD's gambling habits, I just might get to go on another cruise someday... just because there's a casino on board.

Vegas was great.

SHD's Sister and I saw Celine Dion... and I'm proud to say it was one of the best show's I've seen. I really like her... I don't care how much shit I get either. It was amazing.

SHD and I went to the Price Is Right, Live Show... my ticket was a Christmas gift from SHD's Mom and another Sister. We didn't get called up on stage, but it sure was like we were at the original show. We had a blast.

I'm not rich, but I didn't spend near the amount of money I actually took.

Now my only decision is... do I take my extra vacation money and pay some bills... or get that new tattoo I'm considering?

Tomorrow I'll talk about the pipe that burst in the dining room upon our return to frigid KC... but today... I'd like to bask a little more in the great vacation we had.

2007-01-19T22:39:00.001-06:00

Why do I watch these things?

2007-01-19T10:17:00.001-06:00

Because sometimes they kick ass!

I just love to watch people dance, like really dancing. Probably because I can’t do it. So when I see movies and shows where they dance, and they are really good dancers, I’m a sucker and most likely I’ll watch.

So, I’ll admit that I’ve been recording the “Dirty Dancing” reality dancing show on WE. I pretty much fast forward the bulk of the show (because the actual show is kinda lame) and just watch the final dance where the guy has to choose his “Baby” character.

Last night I watched the most recent new show. They were dancing hip-hop and there was a red-headed gal and a super cool Asian chick (can you tell who I liked best?). The Asian gal, her name was pronounced Va, kicked ass. She was super cool and good. The red-headed gal was OK, I mean, I couldn’t do what she did, but she was stiff and just didn’t move like Va.

So the guy had to pick his partner and said, “there’s only one choice, only one partner that I can take to the championships and win with”. And he chose Va. Kick ass right? No, it gets better.

Va asked for the microphone and asked to speak. She told Mr. “Thinks-he’s-hotter-than-he-really-is”, (this isn’t really a quote, but a run down of how I interpreted her little speach) “I came out here tonight and really rocked it out; dancing is one of the only things that I truly love and just wanted to have fun. This past week, you have taken the fun out of dancing for me. This is where my journey ends.”

So, Mr. “Thinks-he’s-hotter-than-he-really-is” has to choose the other gal to stay in the competition. She’s all like… “you can only win with one person? But that person wasn’t me?” but then agrees to stay in the competition and dance with that creep! Get it… because he’s hot! I see some pretty steep self esteem issues there.

Anyway… I guess you’ll find drama anywhere you look these days.

One more thing… and then I’ll quit, I promise.

People are giving Simon a really hard time for berating people on this year’s American Idol. Please… if you’ve watched the show and you look like a circus freak, how could you NOT expect to be belittled. If you are a parent, please, stop lying to these circus freaks (Mom of the Novela writer) and spare them the embarrassment of looking like a complete ass on television.
IMO, if you go on national TV to try out for something you have absolutely no business doing, you deserve to hear the things Simon has to say. Go Simon!

I am the Queen of Patience...

2007-01-18T10:23:00.000-06:00

Update on the job front...

I have been notified that the interview process for the job I so desperately want... is temporarily on hold. This makes me a little sad.

Apparently, I am the only qualified candidate (my interpretation of what I was told) and they would like more than one person to interview with the department before they make their final decision.

My interpretation of being the only qualified candidate stems from the email I received saying that although they are definitely interested in having me come back for a second interview, they want 2-3 qualified candidates to interview with their department (within the same week) and at this time, they didn't have any others for a second interview... so, that leads me to think that I'm the only person they are interested in hiring at this time.

I wish they would just realize that this job is a perfect fit for me (I actually told her that) and that they are just delaying the inevitable.

I'm the best. They would love me... and I really think I would love them too.

Next week... Las Vegas... I LOVE vacationing with SHD... I can't wait. Send me winning thoughts!

Ha... Haa... Haaa... Haaaa!

2007-01-16T11:18:00.000-06:00

"Dear Lord," the preacher began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..."

He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice,

"Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"

Church was pretty much over at that point...

Maybe I’m just a silly romantic…

2007-01-09T14:39:00.000-06:00

I’m listening to the soundtrack to Moulin Rouge and I LOVE IT. Moulin Rouge is a truly kick ass movie.

So, the other day a small group of us were talking about books. I’ll admit that I’m not an avid reader. But when I do read, aside from Janet Evanovich (who's a mystery writer), I want it to be something that is mindless, exciting (not kinky), funny and romantic... hopelessly romantic.

I like to read books that make you feel good… not always with a “happily ever after” because sometimes the ending is tragic (i.e. Message in a Bottle, which IMO the movie did NO justice to) but the love story is incredible. Nicholas Sparks and Jennifer Crusie are the authors coming to mind right now that I absolutely love.

I think I inherit from my Mother. I like to be entertained when I read, reading is a relaxing thing and I don’t want to have to think a lot. No, I’m not lazy, either. :)

We also talked about these books portraying an unattainable goal. No man, I don’t care who they are, does the things the men in these books do. Seriously. Have you read the Notebook? That stuff just doesn’t happen.

Don’t get me wrong… I have met many super wonderful men. Even some considered to be pretty romantic and they still don’t do the things written in some of these books… and there’s nothing wrong with that. As long as you’re in love and feel loved, that’s all that really matters.

But just for the record… not giving flowers because “they’re just going to die anyway” is not a good enough excuse not to give them. Girls like them... they don't have to be delivered to the office... they don't have to cost a fortune... hell, steal them from you next door neighbor... we don't care. Flowers make girls happy.

I want this t-shirt!!!

2007-01-03T16:14:00.000-06:00

And a happy new year...

2007-01-02T15:39:00.000-06:00

I'm not sure about anybody else... but I drank WAY too much champagne on New Year's Eve! I LOVE cheap champagne!!!

I hope that everyone is happy and safe in 2007. I usually like to stick close to home (thank goodness most of our friends live close by) because I am scared to death of stoopid drunk drivers on New Year's. I was hit head-on when I was 16 by a drunk driver... I don't want to tempt fate by asking for trouble... ya know?

Anybody know where I can find a cheap... cheap, manequin head and dress form?

I need a head to model my stocking hat creations... and a dress form to help me sew something that isn't meant to necessarily fit me.

Anyways... much love to all in 2007!

I hope *fingers crossed* the gym isn't filled to capacity. I'm starting my from "Couch to 5K" tonight... again. I just found out that an old friend ran his first marathon in October. Yay for you! I want to do that too!

MySpace…

2006-12-28T11:24:00.000-06:00

Is not only a place for dirty, nasty, child molesting wierdos… it’s also a place to find friends you haven’t seen in a while.

I don’t spend much time there (it’s banned at work and I seem to only check it after a night of drinking) but I’m always surprised to see a friend request from someone I absolutely adore that I (shamefully)allowed myself to lose contact with.

That’s the thing about who I used to be… I totally lost contact with most of my dear friends when I was dating/engaged/married to my ex-husband. I was lost… I forgot who I was… but only for a bit. What’s sad is that when I finally woke up, the people I used to hang with were not in the same places they were before, you know, because time changes everything.

So I’ve decided that when I once thought it was silly to have a MySpace page (I thought it was silly to drink Boone’s Farm outside of high school parties too…), I’ve decided that MySpace rocks… if for no other reason to see what’s going on in the lives of those I’ve lost contact with.