Up on the Box today...

I believe I am a nice person. I try to give people a chance before “deciding” that I don’t like them. I try not to talk about people… yes, this I’m working on at the moment.

I’ve talked about this a few different times recently because of my boyfriend. D and his friends have been friends since grade school. I look around at the girl friends I have… none of them went to my grade school, heck, practically none of them live in my same city! The girls I hang with now (actually, don’t hang out with nearly enough) are relatively new, within the last five years or so.

Girls' friendships seem to come and go… it seems with the ebb and flow of our menstrual cycles, at times. A couple of years ago I was “great” (or so I thought) friends with a gal who doesn’t even speak to me anymore… turns out I was a “project”, someone to “fix”. How disappointing; she didn’t even like me.

Working with women sucks. I’ve never had many women friends and recently in my work environment, I realize why. I’ve become someone with a target on her back. Why? Your guess is as good as mine.

Two separate instances have happened in the last 2 months… neither of which I understand… at all.

I’ve been employed in my current position for a little over a year and a half… I have NO seniority as I was the last person in my department hired prior to the restructure. The current department has 9 people… its made up of 2 departments pre-restructure that employed 16 people total. Yeah, 7 people got laid-off/fired. One of those people was my boss, the person who hired me. She was a nice enough lady – didn’t do a whole lot – but I liked her.

She is telling everyone that I got her fired. She’s even “drunk text” me, “I know what you did”… wtf? Since when did this 57 year old woman revert back to fourth grade!?! Yeah, somewhere in my year and a half, I was granted the power to fire tenured employees of 31 years. Whatever. So, those who still work with me "shouldn't hang out with me" because I'm the devil. Double whatever, grow the fuck up...

Then, just two weeks ago…

Another co-worker put in her notice for a better job at another organization. Upon her departure, when asked if I would be a good candidate for a temporary delegated task (until her replacement was hired) she decided to tell my boss’s boss that she was concerned about giving me this task because I had attendance issues, you know, because of my addiction to prescription pain killers. Double WTF??? All of a sudden, my “friend” who was texting me up until I passive-aggressively told her of this situation, is throwing me under the bus, and why? Who the fuck knows??? She doesn’t even work here anymore! Why tell my Division Director that I have substance abuse issues? Oh yeah, because I DON’T! I’m still very confused by this.

AND more recently, let’s talk about Friday night. My boyfriend is on a bowling team. His friends, all friends for life, invited their girlfriends (all like each other, but haven’t known each other for 20 years). It should have been a nice time. Instead, one of the girls was upset, so the three (not me) went out to smoke so she could vent. Once coming inside, they came and invited me to go into the bar with them. Only three of us ended up in the bar. Why? Someone was upset that she hadn’t received a personal invitation. She was part of the group; I was not. They came in to get me, not to leave her. So, being hurt, she told her boyfriend (remember, life-long friend of one of the others) that the girls were talking shit on one of the boyfriends. Then the boyfriend went to his friend and told him she was going to "take him for all he's worth"... blah, blah, blah… big fight in the bowling alley bar… yeah, fun. Really, I am a sophisticated person at times...

In the end, lonely girl was hurt that no one wanted to talk to her. I feel badly that she felt that way however, I refuse to be a part of this stupid childish behavior any longer. We all live in glass houses. Stay in your own house. Don't talk shit because you're hurt, because you're insecure. Get therapy, I have... it helps.

Needless to say, I’m feeling a little down. It seems that everywhere I turn; people are hurting other people for no apparent reason. Someone who I think is wise told me that people spread lies and rumors they know are untrue because they are insecure and feel like they don’t have control. They control what is said, therefore, they “rule” that situation. And if you "rule", then you're "cool"? Not really, but stupid people don't see it that way.

I am a nice person. I won’t talk about people any more… I hope they stop talking about me.