This is not me... I am not this person...

I am not the person who has to visit Adult and Children Abuse offices to report threats of violence.

I am not the person who has allowed the three serious relationships in her life escalate to the point of someone telling me they want to kill me. Seriously, they want to kill me...

My people picker is broken. Hell, I don't know if it ever worked. But I'm really tired of putting myself in these situations. I mean, who else's fault could it be? That's the thing, I've done this. I've allowed this to become my life. And I'm just sick about it.

It is NOT ok to yell and scream at someone.

It is NOT ok to hit things just because you're mad.

It is NOT ok to say hurtful and scary things and expect to get away with it because we both know you'll apologize for it later.

It is also NOT ok for me to feel so unbelievably guilty about all of this. You did this. You have to be responsible for your actions. You can't do and say whatever you want and just pretend later after you feel better that it didn't happen. Someone has to finally stand up and make you accountable. I'm really pissed it has to be me.

My heart is broken. Not because of my love for you, but because of my love for me.

I am strong. Yet, I keep allowing myself to fall into this situation, only each time it gets worse. How pathetic is that.

I am determined. I'm doing all of the right things to make my life comfortable and happy, yet those I choose to share it with don't have to put in any of the effort. Why do I feel the need to carry the world? Hold myself accountable but not anyone else? That's a pretty messed up way of thinking.

This sucks. I don't want this to be my life... I don't want to be this person.